1. Sit in a parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars and see if they slow down
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice
3. Every time someone asks you to do something ask them if they want fries with that
4. In school put a paper bin on your desk and label it "in"
5. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat--with a serious face
6. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go"
7. Skip rather than walk
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. Sing along at the opera
10. Five days in advance tell your friends you can't go to their party because you aren't in the mood
11. When money comes out of the cash machine scream "I won, I won!"
12. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot screaming "run for your lives they're loose!"
13. Put this on your page to make someone else smile!

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos!... You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (.... and that would be.... how?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving Suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn up side down." (well.... duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (.......and you thought.....?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to what??)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (umm, huh? What other use??)

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication. (so you're saying....children drive and operate Machines?....)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts. (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On a take away coffee cup: Caution: Hot beverages are hot. (So should we have...expected it to be cold?)

Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp: In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly. (Don't floods and flash flood come at the same speed?)

In a microwave oven manual: Do not use for drying pets. (so....people shove their pets in a microwave to dry them?)

On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft: Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing. (So in mid flight...they can face backward?)

On the bottom of a cola bottle: Do not open here. (How do you open it from the bottom?)

A car park sign: Entrance only. Do not enter. (I thought you enter thought a entrance...well I guess I was wrong...)

A sign in a street in Hong Kong: Beware of people. (hmm?....There's people there...and there....OMG! RUN! THERE'S PEOPLE!)

Rules on a tram in Prague: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted. (but...they're already dead...)

On a bottle of baby lotion: Keep away from children. (Then why is it called baby lotion?)

In a car handbook: In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors. (what?...shouldn't you close the door than lock it?)